Today I realised how much I'm giving up to do what I'm doing.
Being away a lot, I have always missed out on things, like friends' birthdays, family events and such, but now for the first time I feel like I'm missing out on something big.
One of my best friends is having a baby next month, and even though I'll hopefully get to see him when I go home and visit, I won't get to see most of his first year, and share that with my friend.
She's also getting married soon, and I can't be there to help plan the wedding, and join in on all the fun stuff that goes along with a wedding.
Another close friend is going through some pretty rough medical stuff at the moment, and I'd like to be there for her, but it's not something that's easy to talk about when you only have a few minutes on Facebook or Skype.
Some friends will be away as well, and we'd be catching up online anyway, and the entire friendship I have with one friend seems to be based on an internet connection since we never seem to be in the same country, but then there's someone who's been away for the most part of a year, and I really want to catch up with her properly, face to face.
Finally there's my family, all the things going on with them.
And all the other things that are happening to the people in my life, all the things that are important to them.
I said before that "I can't be there". Sure, I could. But not really. No matter how much I'd like to be there to share all of this, I can't live my life according to what's going on in other people's lives. I'm sad to miss out, but no one ever said that you can have it all, and although I do regret missing some things, I know that for the most part I would not be happier at home than I am here. And I'll try very hard to be there for the really important stuff.
So to my friends, and to my family:
I love you. I miss you. I'm thinking of you.
I worry about you when things are hard for you.
I'm happy for you when things go well.
And I'm sorry I can't always be there for you.
And I know it sounds lame, but I'm always just a phone/Skype call away!
(Sorry if this sounds very cheesy, but I just had one of those moments, and I thought I might as well share)