Sunday, 16 December 2012

On endings

As I may have mentioned here before (can't be bothered to check at the moment, to be honest) I recently realised that I could actually graduate this spring (the Finnish uni system is really flexible, so this isn't as obvious as you may think if you've studied elsewhere). It came as a total surprise, as I had thought that, at best, I'd be graduating a year from now. But May it is, then!

Some time after this realisation hit me, I also realised that if this is my last year, then it'll be a year full of lasts. Come May, I won't be a student anymore, I won't be spending my time on campus, I won't be hanging out with a lot of the people I regularly see now, I won't be going to events and activities organised by my student association... A large chunk of my social life will be gone. And even thought I haven't been overly active in participating in these things in recent years, it still makes me sad. Of course I can still hang out with my friends outside of uni, but there will always be some people that I only ever see at uni, but whose company I enjoy, who I'll lose contact with after graduation.

As I've been giving up various things - and friends - quite often in recent years, I should be able to see this as nothing more than another transition in life, similar to all the ones I've gone through before. But five years is a long time. I just read a blog post by someone who's studying in London, who said that it feels like she was just a Fresher, even though she's now half-way through her studies. Well, she was, because that was just six months ago. Three years go by quite fast, because you've only just started and got the hang of something when the end is already drawing near, but when you set out on a five year "journey", you don't start thinking about it ever ending until that fact hits you in the face, right before it happens.

I used to think I'd be a student for ages, that I was in no hurry to graduate, and that I had ages left to enjoy everything that comes with being a student. But real life is knocking on the door, and even though I won't have to answer straight away, I won't be able to keep it off forever. And while that is, in some ways, exciting, it's also irreversible. Sure, I could always go back to uni, but this is when I was a student, and I won't get that back. And that's a bit sad. As I'm sure most things are once they're over.

Disclaimer: I may have had a few drinks before writing this.

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